After venting and reflecting last night about why I still feel a teensy bit hesitant to jump all over this nanny job, I feel like I’ve come to some sort of conclusion.
A year ago, or heck even 4 months ago, I’d have jumped all over this opportunity. Now, after getting back into the classroom and feeling SO ready to start my career, I feel like a bit of a failure. Well, not really a failure, I guess. I feel depressed. Incredibly DEPRESSED. Depressed at the thought that maybe I made the wrong decision to go into teaching. I know why I chose teaching. I love it. I love what I do. I want more than anything to have my own classroom, my own students to teach, my own career. But the market right now, and who knows how much longer, SUCKS. I feel depressed that I might have wasted 6 years of my life and $45,000 of our money to get a degree that I might not be able to use unless we move out of state. $45,000 dollars that we have to pay back to the last penny (and you know with interest its even more than that). And I look at families that are a little older than us, in their early 30’s, with their careers and their nice houses, their nice cars, their "perfect" families and I want that. I am depressed at the thought that with my huge debt that I’ve burdened us with that we may never have that. What if I’m forever a nanny, or forever just subbing or working meaningless jobs to bring home a paycheck to try to make ends meet. I don’t want to do that. I want a career, a steady income, a nice income (even though teachers don’t make a ton, its more than I’m used to making), a bigger house, family vacations. I don’t want to live paycheck to paycheck forever.
So, thats my problem. I hate feeling depressed and hopeless. I know I just need to trust God that he has a plan for us and that whatever trials we go through its part of His plan. I know I need to just trust. And know that things will work out, but its so hard.
nicolebarczak.com 
You know I love ya! I’m here if you need me. You’ll make the right decision! 🙂
Education is never a waste, Nic. Not of time and not of money. It becomes a part of you. I have no regrets even though some think that I have “wasted” my education because I have not worked in a career for much of my life. Always remember Jeremiah 29:11 – God has plans for you. Listen to Him. Love, Aunt Linda
Hang in there, Nic. I definitely understand how you feel, I am going through similar feelings about my career as a teacher. Lets chat about it soon 🙂
Hey Nicole… just letting you know, you are not alone. Your comment about people being in their 30’s with nice homes and careers… I too look at that and want it. I am 34 with 3 kids and we just got into our first home, but now we are moving and my husband is starting all over again with a new career… so I may be in my late 30’s before we get that nice home and nice career. Just keep your chin up, you have a beautiful son and you are so talented. I read your blog often and love the pictures you take. Take care.
Even though I have never met you I love reading your blog and can completely understand. Life always looks green on the other side. I am the mother of three boys and live in one of those “nice homes”. My boys are 12, 15 and 25 boy did that go by fast and I missed it because I was always wanting something I didn’t have. Instead of enjoying the moment I was wishing for the future. Enjoy little Porter and every minute you have with him. The nice things will come. God does have a plan, we just don’t always see it, until later. Things will work out, just give them time.