A couple TFT’s for you… on Friday

Its been a busy day… Maria’s wedding is tomorrow so tonight we had rehearsal and dinner.  This is going to be a crazy busy weekend.  Sunday we’re going to Plymouth Orchards with Lori, Don and the girls and will spend the day with them.  I’m so excited about this weekend.

Anyhow… my TFT.  I have two.  I’ll do two different posts. 

Tantrums: revisited
Ok, let me first start off by saying OH MY WORD is Porter the product of Ryan and Nicole Barczak.  That child definitely has our tempers.  While I’d like to say I tend to have a little more patience with frustrating situations, I will be the first to admit that I can fly off the handle and be hot headed with the best of them.   And, well, lets just say Porter has started to show these signs too.

I’ll take you back to the other day.  I was going to the bathroom and Porter comes in with his cup that had OJ in it.  "Mo Juuuce mama" he says to me.  I say calmly to him (to try to make my point clear) "Mommy is going potty.  When I’m all done I’ll get you some water."

That was not good enough, apparently.  I saw the steam building in his head.  He threw his cup down, started whining and let out a shrill screech.  Huffing and puffing, he began looking around the bathroom and his eyes locked on his potty seat.  I saw where this was going.  He bends down, huffing and half-screaming, grabs the potty seat and picks it up to upturn it.  I lean over (we have a tiny bathroom… oh and by the way I’m sure you can guess I was taking a crap, since I was sitting there so long), and swat his butt and say "NO! You do NOT throw your potty.  Sit down RIGHT THERE by the bathtub and chill out."  He sits down (very angrily, though) kicking his legs and tantruming, and lays down face first into the bathroom floor crying.

He finally chills out a little and I tell him to come over to me and I try to explain that I understand that he’s so angry and mad at me that I couldn’t refill his cup right now, but he can’t start throwing things.  I re-explained that I’d get him more water when I was done.

These types of rage-tantrums have begun recently, and they’re getting more frequent.  I know he’s just expressing his anger but I’m not sure how to make it clear to him that expressing it by throwing things is not right, or how to let him know "what" those "feelings" are… kwim? I know he FEELS mad and angry, and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.  How do you get through to a 19 month old, and how do you explain to them how to deal with being angry like that?   

Sometimes if he’s acting like that over something simple I send him to his room to chill out.  Well, like this morning for example.  He had a Nutri Grain bar for breakfast.  He wanted some cereal.  I gave him some Life in a cup, but no he wanted Lucky Charms.  I told him no.  Whining and fussing, he kept running to the pantry.  I put his cup of cereal on the coffee table and he paced the kitchen a bit, attempting to sit and kick his legs a little.  He ran out to the living room and I saw that he was going to grab the cup and throw it.  I cut him off and in my mean man voice told him "You had better NOT throw that cereal!!!" He threw himself down and started crying and whining.  I told him to go sit in his room until he was done.  He did, and not even 2 minutes later he was fine and playing with his trains. 

So, what do I do when he does this throwing stuff act?  I know he needs to be punished, but I want the lesson to be deeper than that.  I want him to not just learn that thats unacceptable, but to learn how to handle the anger too… I want to teach him how to say "Mommy I’m so ANGRY right now!" not just run off and throw whatever is in his way.

What do I do!!!  And, along with that, please tell me my kid is not the only one year old having these throwing-things-when-mad episodes!!

  1. Nic- I am @ a loss for advice on this one, as my 6 & 4 year olds STILL have the biggest temper tantrums-screaming, throwing, slamming doors, etc (a product of my ugly temper mixed with my husbands coddling ‘Let’s never punish our children because they are perfect’ ways) I am in turn the punishment-nazi around here! ‘Big Fat-head Mean Mommy’ is my commoner name.
    I am just going to give you applause because it sounds like you are handling it very dilligently as far as the reasoning & talking out P’s feelings. Keep up the great work & stay that path, make Ryan work with you not against you. Tell him if he tries to fight against you he can come sit @ my house for 5 minutes & see what seperate parenting can do to kids-Aaargh!

  2. I don’t know if I have any great advice on this one. Savannah never had a temper like that when she was little… boy does she get angry now and I can just see it boiling up in her and I’m not always sure of the best way to help her “feel” that without hurting her brother or being mean or disrespectful to anyone. Sawyer, as you might guess, is too laid back to get upset enough to throw things.

    When I nannied, the little girl had quite a temper and would throw herself into dangerous tantrums and want to throw things. She was a little older (like two and a half) when I moved in with them, but I had known her all her life and she was most definitely capable of throwing things out of anger at 1.5! Anyway, one thing I remember trying to teach her was to clap her hands. Like when I could see her losing it, I would ask her if she was angry… I’d say “Ellie, you look like you’re MAD!”, and when I said MAD (really emphatically) I would clap my hands once really hard and loud like I was really mad. I’d have her repeat that and we’d do that a few times. Sometimes it would just relieve the tension a little and make her laugh, and sometimes it just helped her get enough aggression out that she could talk about it a little easier. It seemed to help with that first moment of fist clenching anger so it didn’t go over the top.

  3. Oh; forgot to say, have fun this weekend! Lot’s of fun stuff! Tell Maria congrats for us and I hope everything goes well!! Can’t wait to hear about it all!

  4. I honestly have never met a child that will tell you if therir angry before having a fit. I don’t have any advice either because Ryan, my 6 year old still has “freak outs”. I remember when he was Porter’s age the tantrums would be so bad that I thought maybe there was something wrong with him. We talked to our doctor and he told us that it is normal and if a child doesn’t have some sort of tantrum he worries. Morgan, my 20 month old hAS been having tantrums for awhile( I think 11 months she started) but she doesn’t throw things she’ll hit stuff and then bang her head on the floor or the wall. I usually put her in her crib until she’s calm and then talk to her. Sorry long comment and no advice.

  5. nicole, i think what you are doing is probably one of the best ways to deal with it. things don’t get worse and he’s gradually learning.

    tucker is at the point where he has started to throw the all out throw-myself-down-kicking-crying-throwing-hitting-stuff tantrums (which are a real treat). i am trying to work on giving him time-out’s, but we just started. for the most part he will listen when we use our we-are-not-kidding-around tone of voice, but i hate being a ‘yeller’.

    i’m not sure at their age if they can really understand anger, it is more like frustration. that’s what i see most in my kid. ah, a never ending battle – but you are NOT alone!

  6. I think tantrums at this age are just a natural part of their development. I would remain consistant and don’t give in to what ever he wants. On the other hand, I don’t think children at this age, can really comprehend reason. I do however, think they can tell when they’ve got you, so as hard as it is, it sooo important to remain calm but in control.

  7. OMG I am so there too LOL Morgan gets time out every time he throws something and I make him repeat “We only throw balls” a couple times when he’s done. I want him to get that you aren’t allowed to throw anything and everything! I no longer give a warning for throwing – it’s an automatic as he’s deep in the throwing stage and he needs to remember. Problem is, it’s an impulse thing right now and driving me crazy!

  8. Ok, Lina cracks me up. Yeah Peyton and CAde are known to have some HUGE fits…which is why I can’t keep a babysitter. Ava is throwing this too, oh and biting oh and lets not forget pinching. Oh the fun of it all.

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