Night and day.
I am thankful for the rising sun, bringing a new day to start over fresh again.
Sunday was rough. As a matter of fact, the whole weekend was rough. I have been in a terrible mood lately and this weekend Porter was in a completely ridiculous mood. The past few days he has done nothing but whine and moan and complain and argue and rage and cry over everything. Mood swings galore. The littlest things set him off. If something isn’t his way he either whines or pouts or stomps or yells. It felt like I was living with a 2 year old Jekyll and Hyde in the body of an 8 year old boy. I spent my whole weekend breaking up arguments, typically started or instigated by Porter. I’m going to be honest. By Sunday, I really didn’t like my kids. At. All. I was exhausted. And angry at myself for blowing up at them so much but also angry at them for their attitudes. I wanted to leave and go find a hotel to stay in for a few nights alone and in silence because I was sure my head couldn’t take anymore noise and whining and arguing. I ended the weekend feeling so defeated.
Monday came, and when I picked the boys up from school I ran a few errands before picking Amelia up from daycare. The two boys that got in the van after school were complete opposites of the boys I’d spent the weekend with. They were kind to each other. They were talking to each other- without picking and irritating. I stopped at the gas station and let them pick out a snack since we weren’t heading straight home. The entire way to JoAnn Fabrics they shared snacks, trading Cheez-Its for Bugles. Porter bartered, “I’ll give you 4 Cheez-Its for 2 Bugles!” And they laughed with each other at the trades.
We stopped at JoAnn to pick up my sewing machine and they were fascinated by the monogram sewing machine that was sewing cars and frogs and trains. Hudson gladly shared the rest of his Bugles with Porter, Porter thanked him in a kind voice. They shared each others excitement as they watched the machine stitch a car. I stood and watched them… in awe. These boys. AHHHh. This is how I want to feel about my boys. Pride. Joy. Love. The lady at the sewing station told me to go ahead and look at fabric while they watched the machine. I hesitated, thinking… I don’t want to miss these moments of kindness and getting along. Surely they’ll start fighting and I wont’ be here to break it up. But, I walked away so proud of them… I couldn’t believe what a change it was from the day before. In 24 hours I went from wanting to run away from them to not wanting to leave their side because I wanted to marvel in their relationship with each other.
I am thankful for new days, new beginnings, and new outlooks. 24 hours.