No Pets

My house is trashed and there are about 40 other things I could have accomplished this evening but at 6:20 I decided it was too nice of a day to clean and do domestic activities so I loaded these 3 up in the car to go to the Metropark for a half hour and soak up this gorgeous weather. Fall is approaching quickly, after all, and we won’t have beautiful 70* evenings to play.

We arrived at the park and immediately everyone needed to use the bathroom. Of course. I send them to the port-a-potty alone, not wanting to see what they touch inside. Hudson goes, Amelia turns back and opts to continue playing. She then whines she’s thirsty. I think to myself, why didn’t I just pop them in the bath and deposit them into bed early this evening? And then I hear her mutter “oh shit” as she attempts to scale the obstacle course climber. I attempt to brush it off and play it cool and hope the other family at the park didn’t hear my 4 year old potentially corrupting their boys.

I give the kids a 5 minute warning and breathe a sigh of relief as the cute family with polite, well behaved children pack up to head home. Amelia then says “I have to go potty real bad!” Seeing we were all alone, aside from two teenage girls occupied with their cell phones, I tell her to go behind the tree over there. I smugly high five myself as I see her squatting inconspicuously behind the tree. I taught her well.

Then she yells “I need you to wipe me mom!” What? Wipe? Oh yes. She took a shit behind the tree at the park. I tell the kids to hurry up, we have to go because well, evidence + kids are loud + I don’t usually take doggy poop bags to the park with my children. Then Hudson yells loudly “she POOPED behind the tree?!” We scurry down the sidewalk and she noted the sign we had talked about on the way in… No animals in the park so they don’t POOP where children play. Let’s hope it rains tonight. I can’t take these kids anywhere. We are going home. To bed. stick a fork in me. Im done.

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