I thought I should write about this since a good day is rare around here lately. Heather posted on her blog about her bad parenting day and I can totally relate. I felt like she was writing straight from my brain every day the last few months. Lately I’ve been thinking about what a terrible mother I am, especially to 2 kids. I just plain suck. I have no patience. It doesn’t help that Porter is in the middle of some destructive, terrible two’s and I just don’t care to be patient with over-the-top behavior (ok, so over-the-top toddler behavior warrants over-the-top mom behavior, right?).
So many days I find myself just plain screaming at Porter. And often screaming horrible things at him that I have every right thinking but I should practice enough control to not say them out loud- especially TO my toddler. I won’t write these things because honestly, its quite embarrassing how out of control I get. If you’re an avid reader, you know I don’t hold much back on this blog so for me to hold something back- its not pretty.
I know some of Porter’s behaviors are mimicking mine. Like how he’ll yell at me or talk in an angry tone of voice or say things like “stupid dogs shut up!” or “Oh damn!” or “Get out here right NOW mommy!” I know I need to have a little restraint and censor what I say around him. Especially when I’m angry or frustrated. I need to learn to control myself and censor my anger and model more for him how to react in situations. Instead, I’m finding that I’m watching my little guy turn into a terror- an angry, destructive out of control terror. And its because of me. I’m setting the example and I’m so ashamed of it.
Not only because I have a mean streak myself, but also because quite frankly I’ve really sucked at discipline lately. I’ve spanked way too many times. I’ve threatened without following through. I’ve turned a blind eye to behaviors. I’ve reacted and punished before giving warnings. All things that I HATE… things I KNOW better than to do, but I just can’t seem to pull myself back into control lately.
Back to my post topic… One fine day. Today was beautiful. I’m not sure what made it different. I’m not sure why I had such a positive outlook today but I did. I woke up and I was tired. I knew I had a to do list a mile long, but I told myself… give yourself some time to wake up, hang out with the boys, check your email. Get warmed up for the day. And I did. And we tackled a few things on our list and Porter went outside with me to get laundry.
We’ve been having trouble with transitions and getting him to come inside (he wants to stay out and play) and it usually ends in a tantrum. Today, I gave him my expectations up front (which I ALWAYS did when I nannied… but it slips my mind now that I’m the mommy). I told him we were going outside and when I said it was time to come in we needed to come in, no tantrums or he’d be in time out. Then I had him repeat it to me what was going to happen. We went outside and when I was about done I gave him a couple minute heads up that we’d be going inside in a few minutes and he cheerily said “Ok mommy!” When it was time to go in we had a little fight about bringing in a sandy loader, but for the most part things were fine. No mommy screaming at him to “Get inside NOW!”
And then we did a few color/shape pages in one of his Pre-K workbooks (that I bought months ago but never sit down with him to do) and then we had lunch. I had been wanting to try these Muffin Tin Lunches that were sweeping through Blog World so that’s just what I did. And Porter was so excited about it. We sat at the table and talked and ate and had a great lunchtime. I again gave him a heads up that naptime was after lunch and he had a great transition to naptime. He even woke up happy- which lately he’s been waking up cranky and whiny.
What a great day. I had to blog it so I remember.
baby carrots, block cheese, chicken nuggets, cucumbers
He even ate with a toothpick (idea from Heather– thanks!)
That’s so great! I can’t imagine how hard it is to have a new baby and one in the terrible twos! I hope these kinds of days start to become the norm for you guys. It sounds like Porter is a great kid!
That’s great Nic. I’m glad you have stepped back and taken control. I’m with ya, Bianca is learning terrible behavior from *gasp* me! I am usually really patient and happy up until dinner time, using my daycare/nanny techniques but then dinner rolls around and the kids are getting no attention, I’m trying to keep the house clean, make dinner, etc., etc… It’s horrible. Dinner time can ruin a perfect day. I try to look at it as why am I getting so worked up? Is she really hurting something? Is it really that bad? In the heat of the moment, it’s terrible, but looking back, not a big deal. Having 2/3 young (and I mean young) kids is tough and it takes great restraint most of the time. But, we do the best with what we are given and at the end of the day, our kids are safe, healthy, happy and still love us!
Glad you had a good day! We have been having some rough days here, too, with a two year old and a sassy 4 year old. It is amazing to me how much our kiddos mimic our behaviors! The more I yell, the more Norah yells, the more I spank, the more Norah hits – you would think that would be enough to get me to change my ways, but it isn’t always. I hope today is a another great day for you!!
Great lunch idea. We are going to have to try that. Glad to hear that you had a better day.
i’m glad you guys had a good day. you’re not alone in your frustrations – there are days when my fuse is pretty short! i so have to try that muffin tin lunch idea! fun!
Glad you guys made up for our very unfine day! Here’s to more deep breaths and fine days…
That's awesome! I'm so glad you had a great day & took the time to write it all down. I'm also glad to know that I'm not the only mom who is sometimes embarassed by my reactions to my kid. We all go through it.p.s. Cute pics & I love the muffin tin idea! Will be stealing that in the near future.
I LOVE this lunch idea. Thank you. I have the worlds pickiest eater!!!Glad you had a better day. I never knew being a mom to two kids 5 and 3 1/2 could be so hard. Thanks for sharing.
Those muffin trays look great! I can’t wait to try them out too! Maybe it will help Lukas eat more! Glad you had a great day with him too. I know where you are coming from!
Ok so maybe it is hormones regulating or maybe it's because I am missing my husband or possibly it's because I feel like you looked straight into my heart today and wrote it in your blog…whatever the reason, I am sitting here crying in my family room all alone because I not only hear what you are saying…I feel it with every bit of who I am. You just wrote a blog entry about me. And I hope and pray that I can come back to read this on a bad day to get some perspective & turn it into a fine day for us too.
Hi Nicole!So, I was being a blog stalker and discovered your blog through Mandi Haney’s – you are so cute. This little muffin snack tray is so cute! Your photography is amazing and your sons are ADORABLE. Porter’s eyelashes are seriously killer. Just wanted to say hi!