Mom Fail

This morning Hudson found our Flip Video camera and brought it to me, showing me a video of Porter in his room (apparently in a time-out), saying all sorts of curse words to the camera.  Things like ‘Kiss my @$$” “Dad is an idiot”,  “Oooh Oooh Oooh I’m Sexy”, “Bitch”  “Kiss my wenis” and the f-bomb in all sorts of forms.   

I. was. Floored. 
(I should mention… I don’t know when this video was taken… it could have been yesterday or a month ago)
I’m envisioning him ending up in juvie at 12 years old.  This child slays me.  I just don’t know what to do with him… I don’t know what I’ve done so wrong that has made him this way.  And he’s been like this for years… from the time he was almost 4 I’ve felt defeated to his antics.  While Hudson, at 4.5, is hard at times, it seems like a normal “age appropriate” hard, do you know what I mean?  He’s hard with tantrums and refusing to clean up toys and not wanting to go to bed.  Porter… he’s just… strong willed and defiant, clever and hard headed. 
It seems like he has become worse since school started.  He has been saying things like “I just hate it when you boss me around all the time” and defiantly, and cool-ly telling us “No” when we ask him to do things (as if it is seriously an option… )  He literally will say “No” and continue on his way doing whatever he wants.  OBVIOUSLY he doesn’t get away with it, but the fact that he feels like it is okay to say this, and to act as if his defiance will stand ground is insane to me)
He also has a terrible time being accountable for his actions. TERRIBLE.  Something happens, he does something etc and he completely blames it on someone else.  “You MADE me do this!”  “Look what you did!”  etc etc.  I could see him fighting his belief to the grave he is so adamant that his actions did not cause the outcome.   
You know who he reminds me of?  My brother.  My 21 year old brother who has done nothing with his life, who has blamed everyone and everything on his shortcomings.   The funny thing is- Porter RARELY sees my brother- hasn’t really seen him in a year or so??  Could genetics be that strong?!?!?!?
I won’t lie- the swearing he gets from us.  While Ryan and I never swear “at” eachother, or use it in terms like “You’re an @$$” etc (ok, maybe jokingly but not around the kids), we do say things like “Shit!” Or “Damn it!” and I do let the f-bomb slip a lot which I SO NEED TO GET IN CHECK.  I can’t figure out where he gets B!tc# from though because we don’t say that around here- we don’t use swearing in a “name calling” sense (the way he did in the videos).  I’m not trying to validate my actions, I know that us using curse words has given him the sense that he can say them as well, but I don’t understand how he knows to use them in teh context he is using them in?? Regardless… the whole “these are adult words only” does not work for him.  We’ve tried soap, “sassy sauce”, hot sauce, etc… and he just does not care.  I don’t get how he is not scared to say these words in front of us?!?!  (Thank goodness he does not do this at school or friends’ houses)
The “I’m Sexy and I know it” song has been my nemesis for the past year or so.  I hate that song.  He is ALWAYS singing “I’m sexy and I know it” and I can’t stand tha tword coming out of a kids mouth.  HATE HATE HATE that song.  We’ve asked him what he thinks “sexy” means and he said “love”.  Uhm.. noo….. that ended in a long discussion at the dinner table though never thwarted his singing the song around the house.  I’n not sure where he even heard the song unless it was on a commercial or the radio on the bus.  I usually listen to cd’s (the past year or so I’ve been hooked on Jack Johnson and Needtobreathe), or the local “hip” Christian station.   I rarely listen to our “current/top-40’s” radio because a lot of the songs annoy me in my old age.  His bus, however, does play the top-40’s radio station.  
I want to lock him in a padded cell.  I don’t know!!  I’ve taken away his radio today, and he will not be allowed to watch tv.  I also emailed his teacher to see if I can come in for the next two weeks to sit with him inside during recess time.  I don’t know what else to do.

  1. what a huge bummer! tucker has a full day field trip today that matt actually wanted to go on with him … but they had enough parents already going. i'm bummed that neither one of us got to go along, but in order to not feel too bummed out, i have to remember, he's got a lot of field trips left in his future. now, he's just going to have more to tell you about when he gets home. maybe just do something special for him when he gets home? maybe take your own field trip somewhere. 🙂

  2. ohhh! sj does that same “it's everyone's fault but mine” thing… all. the. time.ugh.her choices or actions are NEVER the reason behind a problem. just like you said, i “make” her slam the door, her brother always “makes” her mad enough to do whatever, there is always, always and excuse and a reason she “had to” do what she did. even when there is no one or no reason to shift the blame.it is so infuriating and i don't know how many times we've talked this up and down about taking responsibility for your emotions and actions and not looking around to blame everyone else. the fact that she does have the ability to control her choices and her actions and to be accountable for that.that is hands down our biggest struggle right now, because it seems like such a big deal life thing to me, but i just don't know what to do with it??!?

  3. ugh, I HATE that song too. It was on an M&Ms commerical. Disgusting commercial that does nothing but catch the attention of kids. I have caught my four year old singing the tune but she hasn't picked up the words…yet.

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