Tomorrow my sweet girl goes off to kindergarten.   To say I’m not ready to let her go is an understatement.  She is SO ready to go… she’s been asking about kindergarten since the last day of preschool!  I have joked with her that I’m not letting her go, that she’s going to stay home with me one more year, or I’m going to homeschool her.  She tells me”NO mom!  I want to go to kindergarten!”   But I’m just so… sad.   I know I felt so sad about the boys going… but I think I realize now how fast it goes once they’re in school.   My days with her are gone.  Gone.   I feel like I should have taken more advantage of it.  Worked less.  Been more spontaneous and taken her to more fun places.  I don’t want her to grow up.  I want her to stay sweet, and innocent, and kind and caring and brave.   I’m literally in tears typing this.  I worry about her teacher… will she know how special she is?  Will she love her?  Will she be gentle and kind hearted and nurture my baby’s heart and mind?  Will she embrace her ambition and boldness and fearlessness or will she find it a burden?   Will she treat her as if she were her own child?

Life is just going by so fast right now.   I feel like I’m on this spinning wheel and I can’t slow it down.  Summer is gone and I honestly feel like we blinked and it was over.  Did we embrace the days as much as we could?  I don’t feel like we did.   Am I embracing these days with my babies as much as I can?  I don’t feel like I am, but I feel like I’m trying.

Slow down, time.   My heart can’t take all this.

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