Music lately…

The other day, on the radio, I heard a Matchbox 20 song, and it brought back many memories… not so good ones… from my teenage years.

I dug up my first Matchbox 20 cd and popped it into my cd player.  I’ve been listening to it for a few days, reliving some old kind of scary feelings.  See, as a teenager, oh I think around 16 or so, I had a rough blip in my life.  I really can’t think of anything significant that triggered it, but I remember some horrible thoughts that ran through my mind.  I remember laying on the floor in my bedroom, blaring this cd, crying my eyes out.  Feeling like these songs were speaking what was I was feeling….

I’m so terrified of no one else but me
I’m here all the time
I won’t go away
it’s me, yeah I can’t get myself to go away
it’s me, and I can’t get myself to go away
oh God shouldn’t feel this way

reach down your hand in your pocket
pull out some hope for me
it’s been a long day, always ain’t that right
and no Lord your hand won’t stop it
just keep you trembling
it’s been a long day, always ain’t that right

I think I was battling a bit of depression, over what- I have no idea, and thankfully I got over it.  I often feel like every once in awhile those feelings overcome me again (like my funk about a month ago… I have no idea where the depressed, hopeless feelings came from, but they were there, and they were scary). 

Anyway, I’ve been listening to the cd, one of my old-time favorites, and its so weird the different "views" I have of the songs now.  They still, in a way, speak to me, but not the same way they did back then.  Not about the same emotions.  Am I making any sense?  I guess its just neat to see how you evolve and change, and how something that spoke to you years ago (almost a decade!) can still make sense to you now, but in a different way. 

I have no idea what the significance of this post is… I guess this just has been on my mind lately.  I’ve been wanting to write down my feelings, and, well, I guess this is the place to do it.    


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