Feeling like a bad mommy.

Today I pretty much deserve the “Rotten Mom” award.  Seriously.

1) totally PMSing

2) stressed with last minute client requests

3) trying to get ready for my road trip

and, throughout all this, Porter is on my ass, getting into everything.  Whining at me, begging me for attention that I wasn’t able to give him.  I had things to do.  Lots of things.  I had people pulling me in 5 different directions, and one little guy trying to keep me grounded on earth.

There was one moment I was in the bathroom, I can’t remember what I was doing. Maybe my hair, maybe brushing my teeth.  Yeah, I think it was that.  And Porter of course wanted to brush his teeth, although he’d already done that.  And he was getting into the toilet paper and bothering me and it had been like that ALL. Freaking. Day.

Is it too much to ask to brush your teeth without someone else hanging on your leg begging for something??

I screamed at him.  I’m not kidding.  One of those “out of control” she’s lost her mind screams.

“GET OUT OF HERE!  GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! GO! GO AND FIND A FREAKING TOY AND PLAY!”

He cowered.  Seriously.  And he slunk away to the living room.

My heart is breaking right now thinking about this moment.  My heart about broke as I watched him run to the living room.

I turned around and tried to ignore how out of control I had been.  And then when I was finished in the bathroom, I walked out to see Porter, sitting in the living room in his little rocking chair, waiting quietly for me.  He raises his arms and with a smile on his face says “Hi momma! Hug?”

(choking up now… didn’t realize how bad I felt about this all until now)

How incredibly rotten am I?  How incredibly awesome and forgiving is this little boy of mine who I couldn’t even take 5 damn minutes to play with this morning?? I spent all day catering to everyone else’s’ insane requests I blindly pushed aside the one person who needed my attention the most.

Just call me a piece of crap.  Thats what I am today.

  1. Nic~

    don’t beat yourself up, 1st thing you this morning just give P-man a big hug & start the day fresh. 🙂 Wishing you a stress-free start to the weekend!

  2. Nic-You aren’t rotten. We all go thru stressful moments like this. Try to have a calm and relaxing vacation. Enjoy Porter and spending quality time with him and Ryan. You are a great mommy!!!!

  3. I agree, we all have these days. I know this is a “working vacation” lol but try and relax and enjoy yourself. Can’t wait to hear about your trip!! 🙂

  4. Just stumbled upon your website, because it was a favorite of someone’s blog I read…so I don’t know you, but wanted to say that we all have those days and that we all beat ourselves up about it. I’m sure your an amazing mom – everyone has those day when they’re crazy busy and just need five minutes alone. We’ve all been there…

  5. Hey Nicole,
    I am one of Heather Morrison’s friends. Let me first say that I enjoy reading your blog because of your honesty. I totally turn in to psycho mom at times, and I would like to avoid it all together…but it’s not going to happen. I am going to have crazy moments where I do things that I regret…that’s okay. I am working on myself, so I will have less of those moments, but in the meantime, I have to focus on what I do after those psycho moments. I am trying to suck it up and apologize to my kids when I do something inappropriate. Hopefully, they will learn from my example and take responsibility and apologize for their actions. Obviously, P learned the whole apologizing/forgiveness thing from somewhere…my guess it was you. Don’t let the mother guilt eat you up…it can be debitating…believe me I know!
    Amie R

  6. Every mom has those moments.Moments when so many things are going on, and so many people need our attention, that we stress out and say or do things we shouldn’t. Don’t beat yourself up about it! Obviously Porter forgave you, so forgive yourself! Isn’t it incedible how little ones are so perceptive and fogiving though?? Like Porter wanting to give you a hug. He knew you were having a rough time. Hope things are better the rest of the day!

  7. OK, my eyes totally started welling up at work for you! (how embarrasing LOL) Everyone has these moments – where you are stretched too thin and everything gets crazy. Don’t dwell on it, just move on and do something fun with P. It’s all good – there is a reason you don’t remember much from when you are little!

  8. Awe, no one thinks you are a bad mom. Everyone has these moments, and those who you swear up and down don’t, hide it really well. I know exactly how you feel, and have done the exact thing!! Just enjoy your weekend!…and feel free to go ahead and drive up to K.C.!!! 🙂

  9. Hi Nicole, I found your blog off of someone else’s and I just wanted to say, what everyone else has already said…we all have those days! Right now my husband is working nights when he is supposed to work days and sometimes he’s working both and our son just turned 1. I’ve been having some moments myself trying to keep him quiet so my husband can sleep while getting very little sleep myself with hubby gone. I think it is absolutely precious that Porter waited patiently for you and greeted you with a big hug, his way of showing he loves you more than anything, even when you’re having a bad day. Have fun on your trip!

  10. Hey there! Glad to hear some honesty. Don’t worry though, I felt like a screaming banchy (SP) on wed. and felt like such a miserable mom. Maybe it’s the week? Sounds like a lot of moms are having a terrible week! You are lucky to have such a forgiving little boy, he truly is a sweetheart!

  11. Nicole – Like its been said, everyone gets like that. Im not even a mom and I have moments where I just cant stand to have anyone around. It happens to the best of us. P isnt going to stop loving his momma. Just try to make the next day better. Take him to the park or go for ice cream. Do something fun together. It isn’t the first time you’ll get out of control and Im sure it isn’t the last. But that doesn’t make you a horrible mother, wife, friend or person.

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