TFT: Quality vs. Quantity

Interesting enough, many things have pointed me towards this post today.  First it was reading an article about “How to increase your friends list on Facebook“.  Oh yes… it tells you

“VERY important point to take note of….when you request a friendship, write something personal which will only increase your chances of them wanting to connect with you”

Oooohkay…..

Then I was chatting with Maria the other day about weeding through my “friends” on FB and deleting anyone I wouldn’t “say hi to” at Target.

And today, coincidentally…. through Facebook… Beckie T’s status today:  Quality vs. Quantity.

I’ve been pondering friendships.  Lately I’ve been telling myself what Jane said sometime last year “I don’t need anymore friends.”    I find myself wasting time on Facebook… reading about people I really don’t care about or learning things about them that I don’t need or want to know (Like… who is on their 3rd cup of coffee today… or who is “just chillin” or good god who has fed their horses in FarmVille).   This summer is halfway over… HALF WAY OVER!  Actually, MORE than half way over.  And I feel like I have barely had time to cultivate my friendships with my truly honest to goodness bestest friends.  And yet, I feel the need to “connect” with all these friends.

I find myself cramming so much into every day.  I had looked forward to summer, thinking that it would be relaxing and fun.  And I find myself stressing out because I haven’t met up with so and so or this person or that friend or seen this person in 4 months.  And I seriously was just thinking today that I should set aside a “friend a day” to meet up with to “keep connected” with all these friendships.

WHAAA??

Friendships are so hard.  I mean, the really GOOD, really TRUE friendships are not hard.  They just go.  They are void of most drama, they are always there for you, they are committed, dependable and true.  But its the “collection” of friends… the almost best-friends… the old friends…. the acquaintances… that are so hard to keep up with.  You want them around, but to what level?  To what extent?  At what loss to your true call-you-when-you’ve-hit-rock-bottom-friends?  Do you spread yourself thin and give a little time to everyone or some good quality time to a handful?

I did a little google search and turns out its not just me thinking this… thinking that “collecting friends” is becoming such an issue.

I loved this article on Blissfully Domestic:

A few years ago, I found myself grumbling about the absence of friends in my life. I mean everyone I knew had an entire entourage of friends who sent them emails, called on the phone, sent text messages, etc. You name it, they did it.

 And it didn’t help that every where I turned (conferences, seminars, talk shows, magazines, etc.) everyone was talking about all of their friends. I heard endless talk centered on befriending persons outside your “normal parameters.” Stretch long and far, they’d say—or some other quirky variation of the phrase—in hopes of getting you to transcend your normal friending process.

 And so, you dig deep, you stretch long and you befriend others unlike yourself and it’s refreshing—wonderful even. But then you find that having all the friends you can stand isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. You learn that some of these people aren’t even friends; they’re coat tail riders, saboteurs, spectators and even suffocaters.

 In the end, you realize it’s quality, not quantity, that we should consider when choosing who we befriend. I learned that real friends are priceless. They uplift, accept and correct when necessary. They laugh or scoff at our stupid jokes and listen as we rant about the sweet nothings of life. But above all they love us and they show it.

 If you’re hanging onto a friend who’s really not, know this: it’s hard to soar to greater heights with dead weight strapped to your leg.

 Selena, is the Editor of Blissfully You. She is a gifted poet, orator and has for the 11th straight year been voted the “prettiest-funnest-bestest-biscuit-making-Mommy-in-the-whole-wide-world.” She chronicles her passion to empower others without apology and compromise on her blog, Speak2It.

And this article on Crib Social:

Ever since the emergence of social networks such as facebooktwitter etc the number of “friends” that an average person has gone dramatically up. And yet people are spending more time online rather than really socializing with their friend.

Are these people really your friends? Sometimes people have friends on social network that they barely even know. I am perfectly fine with connecting with more people online, but calling it friends is somewhat stretching it. Have as many connections as you want, but make sure that you have some real friends as well who you can count on. 

The importance of great friends. You must have few friends that you can truely connect with and rely on. These would be the trustworthy people you have known for a long time. These friends will be there for you in tough times. They will do you favors without expecting anything in back. They should be able to make laugh and cheer you up. And no matter how famouse or rich a person is, everybody needs few such friends. Even if you have one such friend, its better than having 1000 friends who you can’t even rely on. 


There will always be few really good friends. The reason we can’t have tons of great close friends is because it takes time and effort to maintain a true friendship. The bonds are only strong when you see, share or talk with people regularly. Each person has limited amount of time and you can only devote it to certain number of friends. There is a limit to how many people you can see, share or talk with. After that if you the increase the quantity, the qaulity will certainly go down. 


How to make great friends. Like I mentioned earlier a great friend is someone you can rely on and can be open with. The only way to do that is devoting time and effort into each other’s lives. You should go see your friends at least once a week or so. Have a beer or watch movie with them. Don’t hesitate in giving or helping friends without expecting anything back. If they are really your good friends they will return you the favor in one way or the other. If you can’t see them regularly you should at least check what’s going on in their life and share your opinion with them. 

In reality it is very hard to find truely great friends. So if you find some don’t take them for granted or lose them.Your life will be much happier with fewer but close friends than hundreds of people that you just barely know.


Some quotes I felt were very true:

Friendship is a pretty full-time occupation if you really are friendly with somebody. You can’t have too many friends because then you’re just not really friends. – Truman Capote

As people grow up, they realize it becomes less important to have more friends, and more important to have real ones. – Laguna Beach

It’s a lot like nature. You only have as many animals as the ecosystem can support and you only have as many friends as you can tolerate the bitching of.  – Randy K. Milholland

Don’t pity the girl with one true friend. Envy her. Pity the girl with just a thousand acquaintances.  – Unknown Wise Person

Anyhow…. this is a lot of rambling. And I am not sure if I really have a point… I’m just venting and pondering and contemplating what is important and what is not.  I mean, I love having a lot of “friends” in my social networking.  Its a great place to share resources, get advice and learn new things. Its a tiny part of why I blog… I love the networking.  But then I find myself feeling like every person I have something little in common with I need to suddenly add them into my schedule/rotation of meeting up and keeping connected.  Its draining.  And I am not saying that I’m not FRIENDS with all these “Friends”…. but do I need to really set aside my precious time to make sure to keep connected in real life with them?  And on top of making time for being a wife, mom and keeping up with house (and in a few weeks…. teacher AND student)…. I’m not sure I have time to worry about all of that.  


So… that’s all I’ve got.  That’s what’s on my mind and now my mind mush is now blog mush for you to read.  Friends.  🙂  

5 Comments

  1. Good thoughts to think about. I have never had a large group of friends. I am actually very shy in real life. But I do have a couple or TRUE friends and I think you just have to take on what you can handle. The true ones will be there always, while the others that require so much “work” seem to be the ones that disappear. Good luck with your upcoming schedule with work & school. You'll get everything figured out! 🙂

  2. I must say I love reading your blog. You are so down to earth. I went on vacation where I had no access to the computer or a phone. It was so nice to spend time with jsut my family. I realize that facebook is addicting and I can get so involved with other peoples lives that I don't ever see that my life is passing me by. Your birth slide shows are amazing!!! You are so talented.

  3. Ohhhh so true. I think about this all the time-and hate how I typically spend breakfast (and bored times like now) zipping here and there online, and it really IS exhausting to try and keep up with everyone. I'd love to say peace out to Facebook, the internet in general, to not stare at this screen for my source of news… and maybe someday I will, but it blows when the best friends you make either move away or you move away from them. I'd give anything some days to be back in college and able to walk next door and talk to the girls, or to drive to my best friend's house and watch a movie… but at least at first most friendships in the military world are surface level at best (because one of you is going to leave soon). So while my best friends are still a phone call away, it's not the same. Just another perspective on it. Maybe that's just dumb overworking emotions talking… but basically I agree and think it stinks 🙂 (if any of that even made sense!)

  4. I consider my Facebook friends list to be more of a “people I know” list more than anything else. There's all levels of people on it. I never felt on obligation to reconnect with too many people or maintain friendships outside of FB. There's no time. It's amazing how kids change everything.I agree with your whole line of thinking: FB does suck a lot of time for people I'd never pay attention to otherwise. But it's also really good for keeping in touch with the closest people in my circle–I'm chatting more and planning more events with them. And because it's asynchronous, it fits well with my limited time as a mom.I divided my friends into various lists, so I can post messages just for certain groups of people. I find that helps. I really enjoy your blog BTW!

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